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SpeedIF events are an occasional spontaneous occurence on ifMUD. The one basic rule of SpeedIF is that you have to write a complete game, from start to finish, in two hours. Each SpeedIF event has additional constraints. For more information, see the Speed-IF page at IFWiki. (Note: The SpeedIFs are listed in chronological order. Yes, SpeedIF 11 took place before SpeedIF 10.)

• SpeedIF 1
• SpeedIF 2
• SpeedIF 3
• SpeedIF 4
• SpeedIF 5
• SpeedIF 5.5
• SpeedIF 6
• SpeedIF 7
• SpeedApocalypse
• SpeedIF 2000
• SpeedIF 8
• SpeedIF 9
• SpeedIF 11
• SpeedIF 10
• SpeedIF 12
• SpeedIF 13
• SpeedIF 14
• SpeedIF 2001
• SpeedIF XYZZY
• SpeedIF 15
• SpeedIF 16
• SpeedIF Without Number
• DNA Tribute SpeedIF
• SpeedIF Y
• SpeedIF SchmeedIF
• SpeedIF O
• SpeedIF Pi-Theta-Aleph-Parallax
• SpeedIF 17
• SpeedIF Third Anniversary
• SpeedIF -1
• SpeedIF y=1/x
• SpeedIF 18
• SpeedIF EXTREME
• SpeedIF Orange
• SpeedIF Spring Training
• SpeedIF Crinkle-Cut
• SpeedIF Jacket
• SpeedIF Hallowe'en 2002
• SpeedIF 10^-9
• SpeedIF 19
• SpeedIF Argonaut
• SpeedIF ToasterComp II
• SpeedIF Jacket 2
• SpeedIF Late!
• SpeedIF U
• SpeedIF 20
• SpeedIF of Destiny
• SpeedIF Let's Make A Nightmare
• SpeedIF 5th Anniversary Special
• SpeedIF That Dare Not Speak Its Number
• SpeedIF Century
• SpeedIF >= 20
• SpeedIF Autocratic Fist
• SpeedIF Scenario 1
• SpeedIF Jacket 3
• SpeedIF Zombie
• SpeedIF Gruff
• SpeedIF Neologism
• SpeedIF Copyright
• SpeedIF Introcomp
• New Year's Speed
• Spring SpeedIF 2008
• bouchercomp

The original SpeedIF, as conceived by David "Jarb" Cornelson. Writers had to complete a one room game with two NPCs. Characters characteristics should include feeling jealousy, being a mortician/funeral home worker, schizophrenia and a headache.

• Entries: Coffins

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The second SpeedIF was built around the following background: "You're in New York searching for Neil DeMause's apartment even though you've never been there. Someone put a Jack O'Lantern on your doorstep with a half-burned note inside. The note says something about your significant other that scares you to death. It's foggy."

• Entries: The Hand That Rocks The Pumpkin, Kids, don't..., The Pumpkin, SpeedIF #2

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SpeedIF 3 was organised by Jason Dyer, who gave the following premise: "Write a comedy in the form of a medieval morality play. The protagonist is attempting to transport something from one location to another, and his or her efforts are stymied by one or several of the following: Sloth, Pride, Avarice, Wrath, Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Discretion, Death, and the Devil. They don't necessarily have to appear in person. Bonus points for using any of the following: Pez, a green yo-yo, a lawn ornament, an iguana, corn, a herd of buffalo, a robot duck."

• Entries: A Boy And His Goat, The Devil Made Me Do It, Moral Me This, Pryde, Three Steps to the Left

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Create a game in 1 hour with 3 rooms, a bathroom, on top of the Eiffel Tower, with an onion, and Notradamus.

• Entries: Digging for Onions, FIRST WAVE, Then Jump Up and Down Screaming, I don't remember why this game is called "Onion", Nostradamus's Onion Sandwich, The Onion of Destiny, OnNoEf, The Profesee, Tears May Fall, (untitled), (untitled)

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Write a spy thriller in which the spy is attempting to stop a courier from delivering top-secret plans to his contact. The secret plans are hidden in a pair of hand-eeze gloves, or alternatively in the latest self-help book "Pee On This!" The meeting is to take place during the dead of winter in one of three places: a baseball field, a phone booth, on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Extra points for using: snow angels, truckers, a secret decoder ring, a chalupa, hot chocolate.

• Entries: The Courier Who Missed Me, Doomsday, Revenge of the Chalupa, SLUDGE, speed5, Spy in the Snow, The Spy Who Always Wears Gloves Now

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'Jota exclaims, "Your game must have something to do with 'rock', and a color. Deadline: 2:15 am MUD time (EST). Go!"'

• Entries: Blue Head Yurt, Carnival, Don't Fire Until You See The Yellows Of Their Niblets, The Lake, Planet Y, A Rock and a Hard Place, The Yellow Stone, Your mind is gone, it must be brought, you have some rock candy.

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"Write a game that consists of the following: One of the locations is an iceburg [sic]. Mr. Potato Head is an important subject, a magical Top Hat is found somewhere and you also need to involve a roller coaster. Extra points for including a reporter, slinky, barbie, bedknob, sunglasses, a beach, or hiking in the woods. Finally, you need to include, somehow, the following poem:

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins' gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself. - Shel Silverstein"

• Entries: Kids Shouldn't Have to Save The World, One Night in the North Atlantic, SpeedIF6 - A Top Hat for Eddie, Titanic: Leo's Revenge, TRUDGE, When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Firetruck

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You're a stowaway on an oil tanker in the North Atlantic. Questions to consider: why are you there? Are you trying to stop a dastardly plot? Are you trying to start one? How did you get on board? Who's the pretty birdie then? (just kidding) Bonus objects: a lump of clay, a cheerleader's pompom, a photograph of the loch ness monster, a bottle of Dr Pepper, and tomorrow's newspaper today.

• Entries: The Bloody Mess, The Oily Deeps, Sinking the Lily Jane, Tanker and Webb, Tears Keep Getting In My Dr. Pepper

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SpeedApocalypse was actually a joke by Neil "neild" DeMause. However, Peter "mcp" Berman took it seriously and entered a game. The premise was lost in the mists of time, but it obviously had something to do with the apocalypse.

• Entries: SpeedApocalypse

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Setting: A Massai (or Maasai, or Masai) boma (village).
The PC can, but need not, be a Ma{a}s{s}ai him/her/itself.
Some cattle is gone. It must be brought. You have a spear.
Bonus points for including a lion (but no phone). No bonus points for including circumcision.

• Entries: Diorama, The Great Ritual, The Lion in Winter

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outside of a shop (type of which is your choosing) named 'End Of Days' serving something on the menu named 'Blitzkreig', 'ViReX', and 'Macrolicious'. At another location, 23rd and Lincoln, an experiment is taking place that you need to help complete. This experiment involves corn, an electical kite, and a missing sock. Bonus points for ZeroG Sex, and _any_ references to BWP (Blair Witch Project).

• Entries: A Freak Accident Leaves Seattle Pantsless, A Freak Accident Leaves Seattle Pantsless III: Endgame, I Went to the WTO Ministerial Conference and All I Got Was This Souvenir Delegate From Mauritius, Pantsless in Seattle, You are a Chef!

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This SpeedIF (9) is going to require something that I usually leave up to people. You can story it up all you want but I want one puzzle to dominate the game. Yes, that's right, a puzzle. Logical or not, that's the number one requirement. Beyond that, the puzzle game should try to include a stairwell, a zippo lighter, coal-burning screwdriver, the monster behind you, an anonymous letter, fruitcake, Muffy the Poodle, an autographed picture of Ray Borque, and being buried alive.

• Entries: LegBreaker 3k!, Under Cover of Darkness

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Segmented games. Each player was given a separate task. To move a dead body from one place to another. The first game started in the Attic and the last ended in the basement. There were games for; Attic, Upper Hallway, Stairway, Living Room, Lower Hallway, and Basement.

• Entries: EPISODE 2: Revenge of the Mutant Spiders, Fido and the Dead Body, Fun and Games, Living Room, SpeedIF 11, part six, Stairs

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Special rec.games.int-fiction edition! The government is coming to take away something from you and you have to stop them. Bonus points for mentioning the Constitution of the United States (even if your story is based elsewhere) or time travel. Two hours starts counting from whenever you begin writing, if you feel like waiting until later.

• Entries: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH, Freedom, TAXES

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There is a special event sheduled soon to honor Chuck Schmendiman. It is your (the player's) job to prepare the special surprise for him. You will have plastic and/or plywood to work with for creating the surprise. You will somehow have to overcome a sponge in order to succeed. Bonus points for including fruit pies, Mars, or anything exploding.

• Entries: The Hose, Pantheon, Party On, Plaque, A scurvy gift for Bosn Chuck

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The game will take place (at least in part) in a Chinese restaurant. It will feature one or more of the following animals: pidgeon, elephant, or badger. There will be some kind of sculpture made of mud, and some character (PC or NPC) will be obsessed with either HAL or Doraemon, the robot-cat from the future (or both). Bonus points for including Santa Claus, a rusty crowbar, or previous speedIF games in your game.

• Entries: Elephants and the Afterlife, Garden of the Dragon, Health Inspector, Potsticker, Service with a Smile

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In the long(?) tradition(?) of Halloween speedIFs, write a Halloween-based speedIF game. As usual, you have two hours; it must be finished by 10/31, of course. The colors black and orange must feature (even if indirectly).

• Entries: The Blair Bee Project, Death Waif, Hallowe'en, The Pumpkin Contest, worm

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Write a game which involves either New Orleans or Io. An NPC in your game will be named "Brutus the Chihuahua", although this character will not be a chihuahua. Either the PC or the villain will be attempting to construct something out of croutons. Bonus points will be awarded for the use of hamsters, yaks, aluminum, or the words "punt", "bass", or "curd". You have two hours, beginning at 7:00 pm EST. Go!

• Entries: Battle of the Planets, The Crescent City at the Edge of Disaster, The Crouton Caper, Destiny of the Chihuahua, Infiltration on Io, Inspiration, Moon Over Jupiter, Tall Tales in the Big Easy, Tooth Ow Zunden Won!

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This year, a very special XYZZY awards ceremony will coincide with the anniversary of the invention of cheese. One of the presenters is scheduled to be either Stephen Bishop or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But alas, tragedy has struck! This tragedy will somehow involve, or possibly be solved by, a fruit basket filled with mangoes and/or Psmith. Bonus points will be awarded for mention of the numbers 21351 or 4+3i, giant squids, ramen, cork nuts, or yesterday. Feel free to take liberties, but not without my baby. You have two hours, until seven o'clock MUDtime Ready? Go!

• Entries: Behold!, Doom, Death, Destruction and All That, A Night at the XYZZYies, Tragedy strikes at the XYZZY awards!, Zig-zy

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You have decided to take a mail-order course (in vacuum repair, basketweaving, chicken plucking, or monkey butlering) to improve your lot in life. But can you get your homework done and still attend a shooting of the Antiques Roadshow and/or When Bankers Attack, in which you are to be a featured player? Bonus points for including the colors scarlet, rose, paisley, or pastrami. Extra double bonus points for including a cardboard cut-out of Graham Nelson. You have two hours, starting at 9:30 MUDtime. Go!

• Entries: Assignment, Basket of Destiny, Danger School, The Five Tutors, Help! My Vacuum Cleaner Is Broken, Ralph, The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 14: Victim of the Vacuum!, The Unfortunate Training of Frank Lee, Monkey Butler to Be, Weaving a Basket (or Something)

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The player is trying to either cause or prevent a plane crash. One of the locations will be the Moon. Marie Antoinette, poetry and a load of antique furniture will play a part. Bonus points for including Guatemalan insanity peppers, cheeses, some form of fortune telling, a monkey head transplant, and Brandon van Every. You have the usual two hours.

• Entries: The Last Sonnet of Marie Antoinette, The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 16: Let them "heat" cake!, Secret Agent

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Write a game where the PC is purple, at least to start with, for whatever reason. The subsequent tale must include a big white chef's hat, gravel, the triumphant return of somebody or something, and an evil fish (or any form of sealife.) Bonus points for including an irrelevant misquote about turkey sandwiches, a strong anti-drugs moral/message, a telegram and one thing Gunther really hates. You have two hours from 20:00 to 22:00 hours MUD time.

• Entries: Another Day, Another Sea Monster, A Day for Fresh Sushi, The Lobster, Triumphant Return of the Evil Sea Grape, Zumpf and Fumping

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Create your own tribute to Douglas Adams in no more than two hours. Sign the location below when you've finished the game. Deadline: Sunday May 13 midnight MUDtime (EST)

• Entries: Deadline, or, Being Douglas Adams, The Death of Two Great Minds, How Many Roads Must a Man Walk Down?, Into That Good Night, Jeenin Tonn-nx, A Night at Milliways, The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 42: So Long, and Thanks for All the Books, The Sofa At The End Of The Universe

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You are employed by the 'Rockets, Sprockets, and Pants' corporation. You wanted to leave work early to go cavorting and/or smooching, but must first deal somehow with the monkey-man, a bevey of nude models riding ponies, and/or William Shatner in a beret! Bonus points for including anything about frisbee golf, showering, or bears, bears, bears.

• Entries: Banana Apocalypse and the Rocket Pants of Destiny, Barton, Bears, Bears, Bears, Flexible Pants, Pants on the Run, Triple Bear Beer

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You have two hours to write a game based on the production of the movie version of any work of IF. It must include a magic 8-ball, the death of an NPC, and a detached ampersand. Bonus points for featuring use of the phrase "PAK CHOOIE" by a robot, "PON" as the sound of a bubble bursting, a hair-related puzzle, a dedication to a type of pasta or shoe, an unusual candle, and use of tertiary compass directions, such as northnorthwest.

• Entries: Floyd

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Write a game which features either a cold shower in a girls' locker room in Buenos Aires or an astrology convention in Alaska. Attending one event or the other will be Alexander the Great and Neil Gaiman; some sort of conflict will arise over the use of nutra-sweet in okra. Bonus points for involving elastic bands, kinder eggs, Admiral Jota, hamburg, fear, or the larch. As always, be creative and freely ignore anything written herein. You have until 6:30 MUDtime -- go!

• Entries: Eschew as if you were She, Getting to know the General, Practical Astrology, A speedIF O entry

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You have two hours to write a game whose title features one or more of the words 'pi', 'theta', 'aleph' and 'parallax'. It must include clunky expository dialogue and make reference to Fraunhofer-Gesellschaft (the latter possibly in connection with mamster). The cast of heroes and villains should feature at least one of Alvin the Chipmunk, Jarb the Inventor, Asterix, and June, the stinky lady from down the hall. Locations may include the moon, a giant gas pipe or the interior of a computer, and the plot should invlove either cell division or a weather-related disaster. Bonus points for references to tetherball, froot loops, the Jewish Bankers' Conspiracy, hypercubes, eating paste and/or play-doh, china hutches or Snorks. Bonus prize for anyone who includes graphics or artistic justification for not doing so. Deadline is 21:15 mudtime. Go!

• Entries: The Grade 3 Parallax, A Parallax Dream, The Parallax Moon Bar Conspiracy, Peter Theta Fixes the Holodeck, Pick Up the IF-Archive and Pi, The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 112: Alert on Aleph V!, Squeaky on the Moon, The Theta Point

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Your game will be set on one or several floor(s) of a thirty-story building in Manhattan. At the beginning of the game, it's ten in the evening on December 31, 2002. On every floor, the New Year's bash is going on -- the people in their high-rise apartments, the rented out function halls, even the office workers stuck here late. Fireworks are scheduled to begin over the water promptly at midnight. Unfortunately, the building will be taken over by terrorists at eleven-thirty -- they've infiltrated the maintenance staff and have been surreptitiously placing bombs in various locations throughout the building during the past few months, all set to go off at different times later that evening if their demands aren't met. Each author will get one or several floor(s) in the building as their own, author's choice (basement, ground level, and roof included). You're free to use unused floors to a degree, but try not to do too much that'd interfere with other people's games.

• Entries: 2604, December 31, 2002, A Stroll on the Roof, stupidgame, Tooth Ow Zunden Too, Why does my New Year's Eve always crash and burn?

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"Story is holloween. Location is to be determined. Premise contains leather and a character named Voodoo Pimp Daddy. Sign below for other requirements or optional items. When we reach 10 items, the game begins. Please, one premise item per person:
BoingBall: prosthetic nose
schep: maize maze (of course)
mcp: a broken television set
Hloif: Shrapnel. Any kind.
Emily: location: somewhere on the Mediterranean coastline.
Sargent: item: a glowstick
ctate: item: live domesticated animal(s)
dfan: celery
Starweaver: A pumpkin, of course. Preferably talking and or exploding.
Jarb: a yacht
Miseri: Cap'n Morgan and his merry henchmen, Ben & Jerry.
Jarb: additional items are welcome from those that intend to write a game... voyeurs stay home
Jarb: midnight CDT tomorrow"

• Entries: The Carthage Corn Maze, Finding Henry, Leather, Leatherworld

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Write a game in which Hank Buzzcrack, Mother Theresa, and/or, T.S. Eliot are involved in a plot to steal any or all of thousands of litres of tea, the golden banana of discord, or a suspended mask. The player may make use at some point of an automatic chicken plucker, vibrating corn cob, automated corkscrew, or robot monkey. Bonus points for including Grant Stern, Gustav Schmidt, or an exploding baby. Ending time is 2100 MUDtime. Go!

• Entries: Discord, Generic Title, Hank Buzzcrack Has A Job To Do, God Damn It, Literacy, Screw the Boston Tea Party, WOODEN CAT vs. ROBOT MONKEY

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Setting: just before (or just after) the beginning (or end) of the world, cosmos, multiverse or similar. The PC's motives must, in some way, be related to his hairstyle (the more tenuous the connection the better). Extra points for including: divine bodily fluids, Swiss gold, candiru, John Donne, big green cliches, or an unrealistically attractive love interest who adds nothing to the plot and was obviously only put in to boost circulation. Close of play is 2100 mudtime (as if anybody cares if you overrun). Go!

• Entries: Apocolyptica, Captain Speedo: The New Generation Series Premiere: Missed by a hair - but not forgotten!, Final Assault of the Big Green Cliches, A Perfect Day for Candiru

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Write a game in which the PC is fighting for his religion, which should involve the worship of cheese and/or alcohol. Try to include pasta, Decepticons or Windows XP. Bonus points for referring to the contents of ifMUD quotebooks (type 'quotelist' to see the list). Deadline is 21:15 MUDtime ... go!

• Entries: Fish and Spaceships, Glossary, Manna, The Suffering Supplicant, Zymurgy

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Produce a speedIF designed to rip off a Shakespeare play, abridged like it ain't no thang. (As ever, the connection can be as loose as humanly possible, and stupid re-interpretations (for which read: inaccuracies) will score extra points). You must include ninja skillz, a bit with a dog, and one object from the Weird Things book. Extra points for religiously-motivated massacres, the homophobia police, a really really two-dimensional love interest, or Francis Bacon's laptop. Sign here when done. Go!

• Entries: And Then is Heard no More, Oth., Romeo, Juliet and the Dog, Tightest, The Weird Sister

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You are preparing to either win or escape the attentions of a Significant Other. However, one or more of the following obstructs your efforts: God, Pythagoras, Punch and Judy, schizophrenia or mistaken identity. Extra points for including killer molluscs, Carl Jung, an oil rig, Tezcatlipoca, the strappado, or the devil's chequebook. Official end (yeah, right) 21.20 MUDtime.

• Entries: Appallatron: Annoyotron 3, Descent of Man, Kiss Chase

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SpeedIF for March 1, 2002. Spend about 2 hours on it and sign here when done. Games should be completed by sometime on the 2nd at the latest. The premise is a little more general than usual. Include a wild animal, a musical instrument, and a reference to a John Cusack movie.

• Entries: The Hippo and the Flute

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Write a game which includes an NPC on fire, a box of Crack Pops or Sugary Mouth Manglers, a coathanger, an inventory object you can't drop, and a miniature surfboard. Extra points for including: gargling or a spit-take, Dick Cavett, glowing mushrooms, or bad poetry.

• Entries: Dining With the Alien, Dithyrambic Bastards, Glacial Rift of the Dick Cavett, The Travels of Fitzwilliam Pound

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Sometime (probably Saturday night) I'm going to try a speedIF with the following premise: Every participant writes a number of short jacket quotes- a phrase of book-jacket type adulation, something out-of-context from a hugely in-depth literary analysis, some excuse for an opinion that the latest r*if moron spewed out, or something along those lines. Every participant should prepare a number of quotes equal to the number of other participants, assign each participant a quote (preferably randomly), and then at the opening of the allocated time whisper the quote to the appropriate participant. The games are then written to fit the quotes; ideally, each game should contain the quotes in the intro screen as well. I've posted early partly to rouse up more interest, and also to allow people a bit of time to work out quotes... sign object in the lounge.

• Entries: The Circus of Sadness, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Midsummer Banquet, Shangri La, Soul-Searching, A Spliff in Time, Toxic Sewage (A (Love) Story)

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I think there should be one again, it's traditional. So take any two hours on October 31, and write one; then sign below with the URL! Oh yeah, parameters. Include one or more of the following: flying nun; godzilla in a little bo peep costume, or vice versa; candy; hollowed-out pumpkin with light inside; rheumatism

• Entries: A Gummi Bear's Night Out, Losing Your Step, The Old Sherwood Cemetary, Rivkin, Yellow Dog Running

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Write a work, set in an underground secret hideout, in which the PC must deal with misinterpretation of directions. He may be helped or hindered by a late night talk show host and a bleary-eyed waitress. At least one ending should involve earth being totally destroyed. Bonus points for including a time traveler visiting from 1888, a subplot involving a terrible accident involving food on a remote tropical island, or an alternate ending with someone never being seen again.

• Entries: Krakatoa Tuna Melt, The Road to Destruction (featuring Bob Hope), Underground Compound

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Write a game that includes decency, a Toys-R-Us Bag of Rusty Lead-Painted Metal Bits, a cursed angel, and the phrase 'thy gills are as unclean as a lobster's arse'. Bonus points for including the darkness intrinsic to the human soul, alligators and the women who love them, or professional girls gymnastics.

• Entries: 98769765, The Angel Curse, Cheer Up, Dark Soul, Falling Angel, Hallway, SpeedIF 19, Upwards and Onwards

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(Trivia question: Which is a famous text adventure? a) Zork, b) Dark Tower, c) ASCII and the Argonauts)
Jacqueline says, "Did they make that ASCII and the Argonauts thing up? I've never heard of that, and it sounds scary, but I wouldn't be surprised if it existed."
Gunther | Your search - "ASCII and the Argonauts" - did not match any documents.
Gunther says, "of course, now it has to be written in a speedIF. You have two hours. GO!"

• Entries: ASCII and the Argonauts, ASCII and the Argonauts: Astral Plane, The Invisible Argonaut, jason finds fleece

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Jota: OK, we're doing it. You must write a *very* short game -- as short and tiny and meaningless as you want -- involving any, all, or none of the following: toast, toasters, bagels, scones, English muffins, jam, High Tea, or magical glvoes grabbing chocolate candies out of the television set. You have two hours -- bonus points if you get done in one hour.

• Entries: The Epitome of Toastlessness, A Monkey Stole Your Toast!, Need! More! Toast!, Samurai Tea Room

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A few guidelines: fifteen-odd quotes per person is likely to be ridiculously constrictive for a SpeedIF, so feel free to abandon ones you're having difficulty with (a minimum of four or five is advisable, though. And they're so good it seems a shame to waste any). As ever, nobody cares if you take too long, play on Sunday, etc., unless you overrun by a week or so, in which case Gunther will have your head on a pole. Also, it'd be nice if when you write your games, you include the quotes you used somewhere obvious, like right at the start, so that people can go 'aww, he didn't use my quote' and quit in a sulk.

In the unlikely event that anyone manages to use *all* their quotes, I may have to find a prize of some sort. Regardless of whether this was done in time limits. Because, jesus, it's not humanly possible.

• Entries: Being the Little Guy, Beyond The Blue Event Wall, The Body, Pirates and Ninjas and Aliens, Oh My!, The President, The Democrats, and Smelly Pete, Reality Show, The Tenyaka Memorial of Vegreville, The Tower of Beef, Ugly Chapter, Vacationing in Scotland, What Dreams May Come, Wormwood Days II: The Aftermath

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The player, a telepathic fish in disguise (or possibly a costume), must infiltrate the Franco-Texan Embassy and quash their diabolical plan, involving some of the following:

broken clocks
castor-oil filled pinatas
hot air balloons
Kangaroo Sushi Chefs
the recently-back-from-Hell Dr Faustus

Extra points for mentioning:

pop-up books
Caribbean-island-shaped hors d'oeuvres
the 51st State
too many words beginning with Z

• Entries: The Canapés of Death, Fish-Bot!, The Lone Star Menáçe

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Write a game set (at least in part) in either Asgard, a TV studio, or on or near a railroad. The game should feature Death (the anthropomorphic representation), Radical Al, and/or any member of the Little Rascals. Said person should either have or need socks, a feather boa, a robot, a rutabaga, or an aeroplane. Bonus points for including a rodeo, a Vault, anything ruffled, or any the word "riccochet". You have two hours to finish (for full credit -- up to three hours for partial). Go!

• Entries: Cheating Death, Death's Scavenger Hunt, Reality Railroad

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Write a game whose intro text includes a haiku summarizing a well-known IF game, but which could equally apply to the game that follows. (Try to avoid major spoilers). Extra points for including apricots, a frontier psychiatrist, Great Zimbabwe, victimless crime, the couched Brazilian jaguar, or a word that you made up by combining two other words. Sign below when done. GO!

• Entries: 21 Points, Great Zimbabwe, Llangollen Rock City, Oh Miranda!, Sell-Out

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Make a Public Information Broadcast - type SpeedIF in order to inform, protect and educate our worthy but woefully ignorant citizens. Extra points for including God's motorcycle, a copy of 'The Rules', an angry mob, the dew fairies, a lobster magnet, a camel or a mirror. Sign below when done. Go!

• Entries: Badland Machine, SpeedIF of Destiny or Nothing, Punk

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In three hours or less, write a work of IF about a nightmarish game show, in which the contestant is presented a small number of doors to choose from. Behind each door lies a prize, or a monster, or nothing. Bonus points for including a flying elephant or the phrase "a random number of dollars." You may start whenever you want, as long as you're done by 8 AM MUDtime on Tuesday, Sep. 16. Sign below with the URL of your game. Go!

• Entries: Schrödinger's Door, Three Doors, Three Doors

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The 5th Anniversary Speed-IF premise should be the 5th in a series possibly in a casino, with a made up famous actor, a cloak, a murder weapon, a flowery hat, and rain. Additional items might be Guiness, Wood or Silverware gifts, a partially functional dial, a brain in a fishbowl, a magical box, and candy. Your games may take any amount of time to create, but should be sent to me at the time that the IF Comp games are released (or earlier if you complete your game).

• Entries: A Brain in the Rain, Casino Viridoso V, Cough Cough, Evil Brain Five, It Could Only Happen To You

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Write a speedIF about Man's eternal conflict with something or other, featuring hurled cows, a trilobyte, papercuts, bleeding flowers, Viagra, and liquid leather. GOOOOOO!

• Entries: And So It Goes, Jobs for Antioch!, Solid Leather, Twilight of the Dogs

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Pick something that happened during the XYZZY ceremonies -- the halftime, the haiku, soup, Justin Timberlake -- and write a speedIF based on it. You have two hours.

• Entries: Fade to Black, Mission From Short, Yay Games

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Speed-IF >= 20 begins! Premise: Someone (or an animal) has swallowed something important! Bonus points for limiting the number of nouns used! Super-bonus points for using five nouns or less! You have two hours! Sign URL here when complete! Deadline, Monday at noon EST! GOOOOOOO!!!!!

Clarification: The noun restriction applies to nouns used in the text of the game, not objects implemented. That is, if you limit yourself to five nouns, you are restricted to using five different nouns in the entire game. (Prounouns do not count as nouns. Don't worry about default library responses either, unless you're *really* dedicated.)

• Entries: A Beginning, Cranial Pounding, Things, Time Place People Water Way

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In 2 hours or whatever your conscience allows, write a speedIF on the eternal theme of hubris. Points for including a vestigial tail, environmental policy on ferret populations, phlogiston, a pink parasol, sudden undeath, or crappy madlibs. Go!

• Entries: At the Top of Your Game, Digging thru Doctrine of the Dead, Toeing the Line

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There are children beginning to float into the air. You must retrieve them. Write this scene.

• Entries: The Stars Are Right

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At some point, possibly next weekend and depending on interest, I may run a speedIF Jacket (see http://www.ifwiki.org/index.php/Speed-IF_Jacket for the basic idea). Sign below if you're interested...

• Entries: The Fluid of Life, The Hentai Adventures of Captain Cumshot, Upwards

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Ghogg says, "I still think a 'holed up in the bunker with the zombies coming' speedIF would've been good for Y2K, but I think we went with something else". Well, now it's been done!

• Entries: speedif zombie

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Premise is fractured fairy tale: the whole story or a single scene, redone in whatever funny/creepy/weird/etc. variation you would like. No hard deadline, but don't spend more than 2 hours. Sign here when done.

• Entries: Bronze, Deep Breathing, Little Green Robbing Hood, This is the game that I wrote

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My close personal friend N. B. Horvath has agreed to run the speedIF this weekend. details are at http://nbhorvath.blogspot.com/2006/05/speedif-neologism.html . when you finish your game, sign below or post a comment to the blog entry.

• Entries: Alma Mater, Captain Cumshot's Second Adventure: The Rim Job, Define Far, Expedition, A Minimum Wage Job, Revenge of the Nockle : A Speed IF

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Per this conversation:

dfan | Perform a Skit - Write and perform a skit about why copyright protection is important.
dfan says, "Man, we should totally do a SpeedIF"

Feel free to consult http://mpaa.org/press_releases/boy%20scouts%20press%20release.pdf and http://mpaa.org/press_releases/respect%20copyrights%20curriculum%20and%20patch.pdf for more inspiration. You have until Monday, 10/23, to finish. Sign here with completed games.

• Entries: Pirates of the Caribou, Sharing All The Way To The Bank

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The dastardly Francophones have stolen the Spirit of Speed-IF; now, our hero must journey to a francophone land in order to retrieve it. Bonus points for including a T'ang dynasty ashtray, a preserved homunculus, phlogiston, an especially fearsome goat, the taste of defeat, and/or 9-dimensional creme brulee. Entries due in by Sunday night (Aug 26 2007). Sign below with download info when done.

• Entries: AFGNCAAP - IF Agent! Todays Adventure: Holy Goat!, Alcohol solves everything, Djibouti Dirigible Discombobulation, Fætt Tiw, Ze French countryside is full of fresh air, In Search of Velocitas fictus, The Twelve Heads of St. John the Baptist

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Write a New Year's-themed speed IF which incorporates eggnog spiked with mice, a party crashed by Adolf Hitler, and a resolution to lazily masticate all sandwiches. Extra props for including a swanky, benoodled golf cart.

Finished speeds should be e-mailed to Jacqueline and are due on Saturday night by midnight Alaska time (That's 4am Sunday morning EDT, or 9am Sunday GMT). They will be uploaded to Floyd the following morning and some or all of them will be played as part of Club Floyd on Sunday, December 30th. The deadline's pretty hard and fast on this one due to our aim for ClubFloyd, but you get a whole week to do it, so... go!

(Please sign below if you're planning to participate, and note that if you want your game to be played on ClubFloyd it must be written in Inform, TADS, or Hugo.)

• Entries: The Day I shot ..., Nazi Mice, Not the Same Old Lang Syne, The War On New Year's

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Ah, spring. Flowers blossom, allergies resurface. The world awakes, and so does Speed IF. Club Floyd, consuming games insatiably, is looking for some games. Your games should be short and enjoyable (of course), and spring themed in any way you could think of. Incorporation of resurrection would be nice (though don't tell Marvin.) Please write in of the common IF languages and keep out the fancy stuff, as Floyd doesn't support it. Games should be emailed to Taleslinger by March 29th. Please sign if you want to participate. Games will be played on Sunday, April 6th on Clubfloyd.

• Entries: EXTERMINATE!, Gardening for Beginners, Spring Cleaning

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</boucher> No one has ever escaped from Lowell Prison. Why? Because there's only two ways out of here. One is dead in a pine box, and the other is that big wide-open gate over there, which I ask you seriously to please, please stay away from.

• Entries: Escape from Lowell Prison, Lowell Prison, Lowell's Paradise, Pick up the pine box and die, Seeking Solace, The Wide-Open Gate

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Baf's Guide to the Interactive Fiction Archive
Copyright © 2012 Carl Muckenhoupt
All reviews included in this site are copyright © the credited author of the review.